Deck the halls (of my heart)

Happy Halloween! I don’t know what it is about this year, but the Halloween/Christmas overlap feels especially weird. I also have not had the bandwidth to watch any tv or movies for the past month (I moved into my own apartment for the first time and I don’t know if you know this, but moving is very draining) so watching three movies in one weekend is a big lift for my current attention span.

A Cozy Christmas Inn

Seattle-based Erika (Jodie Sweetin) is sent by her Business Bitch Boss to Garland, Alaska to acquire an inn. In a wild coincidence (or a stroke of fate, as everyone insists to Erica) the inn is owned by her ex Andy (David O’Donnell) who broke up with her after moving back home. I like this take on the classic Big City Woman Goes to Small Town story because at least they already know each other before they spend a week together and fall in love while saving a local business.

David O’Donnell was in Christmas Under Wraps (2014) with Candace Cameron Bure, and I do actually remember watching that one. I remembered that it was also set in Alaska and that the main guy’s family ran a shipping business that may or may not have been Santa’s workshop. It took me until halfway through this movie, when Andy mentioned his ex Lauren, that I thought to look up what CCB’s character’s name was. And this is just straight up a sequel to that movie! I love that Hallmark is processing its breakup with CCB by subtly shading her character. In a movie with her Full House co-star, no less!

What does Christmas mean? Christmas is a time to believe! In magic, love, Santa, and second chances.
Is the title a pun? No, and it sounds like the title of a Hallmark movie that should already exist. They have made so many movies about inns at Christmastime, I’m amazed this is the first time their title generator has spit out “Cozy Christmas Inn.”
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Jodie Sweetin: 3 Christmas movies and 1 non-Christmas movie; David O’Donnell: 1 other Christmas movie
Last minute plans/impending deadline? Sharon Ferris gets what Sharon Ferris wants, and Sharon Ferris wants to acquire the Garland Inn before Christmas!
Chemistry check? Pretty good! I don’t remember how it compares to the chemistry in Christmas Under Wraps, but let’s say it’s better.
Christmas Grump/Christmas Enthusiast? They are both Christmas Enthusiasts, but they need to learn to harness their love of Christmas for business purposes.
Quaint town? Oh yeah. Garland is a classic Hallmark small town.
Dialogue highlight? “You know what they say. Rome was built in a day.”
How white and straight? The two leads are white, but overall the cast is more diverse. Garland is a small town, but statistically at least one person should be gay and I’ve decided it’s the mayor.
Pet peeve? More minor, but there were like six montages set to Christmas pop songs in the last 40 minutes of this movie.
Hot cocoa? This movie is actually very coffee-centric. Erika can’t get over the fact that Garland doesn’t have a coffee shop. And I guess there are none of the cute little coffee carts I saw in Alaska when I visited last year.
Rating? 4 out of 5 yam and fruitcake casseroles
Final verdict? A fun time! But maybe skip if you were really attached to the romance in Christmas Under Wraps.

Jolly Good Christmas

This movie is about an architect named David (sorry Dad, you’re a Hallmark stock character now), an American in London who is dating his boss’ daughter and is about to spend his first Christmas with them. Anji is a personal shopper who bumps into David and, through a series of classic Hallmark shenanigans, ends up deciding to help him buy the perfect gift. This movie continues Hallmark’s hatred of gift cards, which as we all know mean you’re cold and impersonal and you should probably break up because clearly you don’t know your partner at all.

This whole thing gets going when they start talking on the bus, and I’m sorry but what Londoner or New Yorker is just chatting with random people on public transportation? Or telling them where you work so that they can find you later when they need to switch back the shopping bags you accidentally swapped on the bus even though they don’t know your name?

I don’t know if Hallmark thinks its audience won’t relate to the movie if there’s not an American present or if they thought that the fish-out-water aspect was important to the character, but I cannot figure out why they have an all British cast and just one guy pretending to be American. Like a lot of British people doing an American accent, he sounds so nasally and also like he has marbles in his mouth. It really detracts from an otherwise pleasant movie.

What does Christmas mean? Christmas is a time to get a life, you workaholic!
Is the title a pun? Eh, not really. It takes “Holly Jolly Christmas” (a line from a Christmas carol) and “Jolly Good” (a phrase I’ve only heard Brits say in movies and tv shows, never in real life) and mashes them up. It’s wordplay-adjacent.
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Reshma Shetty: this is her first; Will Kemp: 1 Christmas movie and 2 non-Christmas movies
Last minute plans/impending deadline? David has less than 48 hours to pull together a pitch for a developer and get his girlfriend the perfect gift.
Chemistry check? Pretty good, but Will Kemp is so focused on his bad American accent that it detracts a bit from the banter. He is really good at gazing romantically, though.
Christmas Grump/Christmas Enthusiast? David is the Christmas Grump (his parents left him at boarding school for the holidays) and Anji is the Christmas Enthusiast (even though her ex boyfriend dumped her for her roommate on Christmas Eve).
Quaint town? I personally would not call London “quaint.” But it is very pretty to look at.
Dialogue highlight? Anji yells “Look! The king!” as a distraction when they’re trying to escape store security after David accidentally shoplifts (shenanigans!) and they very carefully chose a shot where her outstretched hand is in front of her mouth, so I am pretty sure that line was dubbed in post production. Or this movie was filmed in the last two months. I honestly have no idea what the shooting schedule is like for these things.
How white and straight? Hallmark loves to have at least one stable married couple to give advice to the central couple advice, and this one has two: Anji’s parents, the Patels, and David’s friend Callum and his husband Ethan. Callum is played by the guy who was Princess Mia’s jilted fiance in Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement, which is fun!
Pet peeve? Grown women calling their dads “Daddy.” Ew.
Hot cocoa? I added this to my list, and now all of the sudden it’s all cider and hot mulled wine this year.
Rating? 4 out of 5 borrowed tuxes
Final verdict? The perfect movie to sit down and watch in its entirety or to just pop in an out for some fun footage of people running around London in nice coats.

Ghosts of Christmas Always

Katherine (Kim Matula) is a Ghost of Christmas Present, working with her team of Past (Lori Tan Chinn) and Future (Reginald VelJohnson) to complete successful “scroogings” of Christmas Grumps each year. They get assigned Peter Baron, who seems like a genuinely nice guy. They have to figure out whey they are there to help Peter, and why Katherine seems to have a unique connection to him.

The magic system is a bit confusing. Charles Dickens got “a scrooging” and went on to write A Christmas Carol. But why was it called “scrooging” before the character of Scrooge? They do not explain. This movie also avoids any references to religion, only talking about “The Great Beyond,” the “cosmic order,” and the “higher ups.”

I was worried the entire time that they were going to reveal that Katherine was somehow related to Peter. In the end, I kind of teared up when we got to see Katherine’s past and learned how they were connected. I always feel a little silly when these movies work on me, since it’s usually so easy to maintain a cynical distance from all the sentimentality. But I am no Scrooge. Or rather, I am a Scrooge. Deep down, I’ve got a heart!

What does Christmas mean? Christmas is a time for people who are lost to figure out who they really are.
Is the title a pun? I guess? But what does “Christmas Always” mean? “Always” does not track the same way “Past” and “Present” and “Yet to Come” or “Future” do.
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Kim Matula and Ian Harding: both first-timers
Last minute plans/impending deadline? About halfway through the movie they successfully complete the Scrooging of Peter Baron, only to discover there was a mix up and they have nine hours to complete the Scrooging of Robert Baron (Peter’s very Scroogey dad).
Chemistry check? Excellent. Ian Harding is very charming, as anyone who watched Pretty Little Liars knows. That show took advantage of his charm for very creepy purposes, it is much better used here.
Christmas Grump/Christmas Enthusiast? Peter’s dad is the Christmas Grump and Peter’s tendency to silently follow his dad’s lead means he’s lost his Christmas Enthusiasm.
Quaint town? Frog Hollow, Connecticut is a very quaint suburb of Hartford.
Dialogue highlight? “Come on, you strange, guilty thing.”
How white and straight? Mostly white, very straight.
Pet peeve? Why do Hallmark movies insist on having company Christmas parties on Christmas day?
Hot cocoa? No time for hot cocoa, too much ghost shenanigans!
Rating? 4.5 out of 5 little golden elves
Final verdict? Definitely check this one out, unless you’re maxed out on Dickens takes.