Hallmark brought out two of its biggest stars for these two, the erstwhile Gretchen Wieners and DJ Tanner. Both of these women are seasoned veterans at this point, and I could tell while watching. They carry these movies, but they are also given better scripts to work with.
One thing I noticed in both of these movies the way Hallmark characters use oddly Christmas-inflected metaphors and idioms, as if people change their language habits for the season. Like: “I have so much adrenaline, I could pull Santa’s sleigh myself!” Maybe this is a thing you say on Christmas, or in a conversation specifically about Christmas, but is it a thing you say in a work conversation at the beginning of December? As these movies keep telling me, you can never have too much Christmas, so maybe I should just let it go.
The Christmas Waltz
Lacey Chabert plays Avery, a woman whose fiance dumps her for a job in Boston less than a month before their wedding. Will Kemp plays Roman, a man who they tell us is Russian but has a British accent (explained away as “I went to school in London!”) who own the dance studio where Avery booked lessons for her wedding dance. I know Will Kemp from the CW’s sexy Mary Queen of Scots show Reign, where he played Mary’s terrible second husband, Lord Darnley, who helped murder her personal secretary in front of her and then got blown up. He’s looking better here. He wears a lot of turtlenecks, so we know he’s artsy.
Avery decides to take dance lessons by herself, because she’s always wanted to dance. When she asks her parents why she stopped taking dance lessons as a child, her mom gives her the ice cold answer of “well, you weren’t naturally gifted so we thought you should focus on activities you excelled at.” Damn! But Roman thinks Avery has “naturally fluid movement” so he decides to give her lessons.
Roman is preparing to dance in The Christmas Waltz show with the other teacher at his studio, Elina. I felt so bad for Elina throughout the whole movie, because you know that something is going to happen to make it so that she can’t perform and Avery will have to step in! That’s just how these movies work, no matter how great a dancer Elina is.
This movie takes place in New York City, and they want you to know it! There are a lot of shots of Central Park in the snow (very beautiful) and multiple conversations about leaving that package with my doorman if I’m not in! Avery’s cold, sad rich girl Christmas tradition involves dinner at Tavern on the Green with her parents. I only know Tavern on the Green as the place in The Princess Diaries book where Mia goes for a terrible dinner (he orders steak for her without asking, and she’s a vegetarian!) before prom with hot senior Josh. So I was not impressed by this detail.
This movie does have a lot of dancing, for those of us who like to watch dancing. Roman does a fun Dick Van Dyke penguin dance bit! There is sad waltzing to Silent Night! Acrobatic kid dancing! At one point, full of Christmas spontaneity, Roman and Avery dance down the sidewalk and Will Kemp gets to show off his Gene Kelly moves. Overall, it’s a nice, Hallmarky good time.
FINAL RATING: 4 out of 5 Russian dolls
Is the title a pun? They dance a Christmas Waltz at the Christmas Waltz show, and I bet you can guess what song they dance to!
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Lacey Chabert: She’s actually also in a movie on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries this year (Time for Us to Come Home for Christmas), as well as 8 Christmas movies (Christmas in Rome, Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe, The Sweetest Christmas, A Wish for Christmas, A Christmas Melody, Family for Christmas, A Royal Christmas, Matchmaker Santa), 2 fall movies (All of My Heart: Inn Love, All of My Heart: The Wedding), 3 Valentine’s movies (All of My Heart, Love, Romance, & Chocolate, My Secret Valentine), 1 winter movie (Winter in Vail), 2 non-seasonal movies (Love on Safari, Moonlight in Vermont), and the Crossword Mysteries series (A Puzzle to Die For, Proposing Murder, Abracadaver)
Will Kemp: 1 Valentine’s movie (Love, Romance, & Chocolate) and 1 non-seasonal movie (Royal Matchmaker)
What does Christmas mean? I don’t know about Christmas, but dancing is about letting go and finding joy.
Last minute plans/impending deadline? This one has a longer deadline than most: both Avery’s cancelled wedding and the Christmas Waltz show are in 24 days!
Real Santa? No. But Will Kemp is really dancing! He’s legit, he was in the Matthew Bourne Swan Lake (aka the ballet from the end of Billy Elliot). Lacey Chabert might have a stunt double for some of the trickier work, it was hard to tell in the wider shots.
How white? One of the most egregious uses of a Hallmark Black friend, Lacey Chabert’s friend basically only says variations of “you go girl” for all of her dialogue and we never learn anything about her life.
Bingo? No, probably because this was a bit more of a dance movie than a Christmas movie.
If I Only Had Christmas
After a week of introducing all the movies in Hallmark’s 7 Night Thanksgiving Movie Event, Candace Cameron Bure finally gets to introduce her own movie! Candace Cameron Bure (or CCB, as I refer to her in my notes) is the “Queen of Christmas” according to her Twitter bio. She is the jewel in Hallmark’s Christmas crown, and she is very good at this.
So. This movie is loosely based on The Wizard of Oz. I don’t know why I find this so delightful and baffling. I want to know who had this idea. The screenwriter? A Hallmark exec? Candance Cameron Bure herself? Who said: “You know what would work as a Hallmark Christmas movie? The Wizard of Oz!” I mean…it kind of works really well, you guys.
Our heroine Darcy (Dorothy) works in Kansas City and has a dog named Bobo (Toto). A mysterious CEO/philanthropist William Austin (Wizard of Oz) has seemingly vanished from the public eye. His CFO Winona West (Witch of the West) and VP of communications Glenn Goodman (Tin Woodman, you guys I am losing my mind!!!) decide they need to hire outside PR. In comes Darcy, with her ideas for how to improve the public image around William Austin’s Emerald Educational Trust.
Darcy meets and mentors three of the employees of Emerald Educational Trust: Jackie Crow, Dr. Bridget Tinsley, and Riley Lyons. Sidebar: I played the Cowardly Lion in my elementary school’s production of The Wizard of Oz. It felt very special because, while all the other parts were double cast so as many kids as possible could have a role, I was the only Cowardly Lion because I came in right at the end of Act I. My parents have a video somewhere of me wearing a faux fur vest and a plastic crown, squeaking out “if I only had the noive!”
As far as Wizard of Oz movies go, this is much much better than the James Franco vehicle Oz: The Great and Powerful. If you like Candace Cameron Bure, you will like this movie. If you like playing spot-the-reference, you will love this movie. I think if you like Wizard of Oz you will like this movie! It’s fun and cheesy in all the right ways. The Queen of Christmas can rest easy in her reign.
FINAL RATING: 4.5 out of 5 personalized snickerdoodles
Is the title a pun? My first instinct would be to call this There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays, but If I Only Had Christmas is less in-your-face about the Oz of it all.
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Candace Cameron Bure: 8 Christmas movies (Christmas Town, A Shoe Addict’s Christmas, Switched for Christmas, Journey Back to Christmas, A Christmas Detour, Christmas Under Wraps, Let It Snow, Moonlight & Mistletoe), 2 non-seasonal movies (Just the Way You Are, Puppy Love), as well as the Aurora Teagarden Mysteries series.
Warren Christie: 1 Christmas movie (The Most Wonderful Time of the Year), in 2008, with Henry Winkler.
What does Christmas mean? They kind of do a Love Actually “at Christmas you tell the truth moment” when Glenn says Darcy taught him about transparency.
Last minute plans/impending deadline? She’s got three weeks to prove that her PR company should be chosen! And of course they have to change the plans of each event that was already on the calendar to make things more Christmassy and to respond to last minute crises.
Real Santa? No, and there isn’t a real wizard either!
How white? The non-white supporting characters at least get more to do in this movie than in most.
Bingo? Shockingly low number of bingo squares for a movie with the Queen of Christmas.
Next up, we have Christmas in Evergreen: Bells are Ringing (I will not be watching any of the other movies in the Christmas in Evergreen franchise) and Christmas She Wrote (it really should be Christmas, She Wrote, not just for grammar’s sake but for a true reference to Murder, She Wrote).