Santa's my boyfriend
"You look like you could be a model and I'm supposed to believe that you're Santa?"
I meant to watch more of these movies throughout the holiday weekend, but instead my family watched all of the Lord of the Rings Extended Editions. (There’s something in there about Christmas Ents and saving the Quaint Town of the Shire from the worst Evil Real Estate Developer of all time.) Here are Thursday and Friday night’s movies, Saturday and Sunday’s double features will come in two more newsletters.
Catch Me If You Claus
The story of two nepo babies falling in love! Avery Quinn (Italia Ricci, 3 Hallmark movies) is a researcher for the local news channel in Dayton, Ohio who dreams of being on camera like her Famous Anchor mom. Chris (Luke McFarlane, 14 Hallmark movies) is the Son of Santa who has been sent out for rounds for the first time in order to prove himself ready to take on the role.
This movie takes place over the course of Christmas Eve and early morning Christmas Day as Avery and Chris each try to make their Impending Deadline: the chance to fill in for a sick anchor on the 5AM news broadcast for her and delivering all the gifts in the western hemisphere by sunrise for him. There’s also a plot involving the mayor of Dayton doing some shady financial dealings and a pair of thieves who get Avery and Chris wrapped up in a case of mistaken identity, as well as a helpful troupe of Dickensian actors and a Stern Daddy Santa.
What does Christmas mean? Christmas is about helping other people.
Is the title a pun? It’s really reaching, but yes we can call this a pun.
Chemistry check? Pretty good! Once she accepts that he’s actually Santa the story really gets going and they play off each other very well. Plus, there’s good caper hijinks, like holding hands while tied up back-to-back and needing to make out to hide their faces while they’re being followed.
Christmas Grump/Christmas Enthusiast? More like Santa Skeptic and Santa Believer. Avery, in true reporter fashion, holds out for proof before she accepts that Chris really is the Son of Santa.
Quaint town? They don’t really try to make Dayton quaint, what with all the corrupt politicians and robbery.
Dialogue highlight? “You could be home in bed, dreaming of sugar plums and teleprompters.”
How white and straight? Mostly white, very very straight.
Pet peeve? We spend perhaps too much time with the overly sincere Dickensian actors.
Hot cocoa? No time for cocoa! But plenty of time to stop for milk and cookies.
Rating? 4 out of 5 Pivotal Gifts
Final verdict? I had fun!
Letters to Santa
Rebecca (Katie Leclerc, 2 Hallmark movies) and Enrique (Rafael De La Fuente, a first-timer) have been separated for four months. Their kids, Sam and Izzie, want them to be together for Christmas, and when the Santa at a local store gives them a “magic pen” to write to him they use it to try to bring their parents back together. Rebecca is a children’s book writer with an Impending Deadline of Christmas Eve for her next book, the advance of which Enrique used to help his parents’ restaurant. The resulting pressure on Rebecca to deliver, plus her sense that Enrique put his family business above his dreams of being a musician as well as their marriage, has lead them to where they are now.
I am more of a fan of Silly Goofy Hallmark (see Catch Me If You Claus, above) than I am of these attempts at more serious/heartfelt stories. There were too many couples’ therapy scenes and too much reliance on child actors who were not really up to the task. I think this premise could have made a better movie if they’d gone in a more Parent Trap direction. I get not wanting them to actually be divorced so that they can easily move back in together, but it ends up feeling too rushed given how huge they make this rift out to be at the start. In the Parent Trap timeline, they’ve had time to move on from why they split and find their way back to each other. But maybe do it without separating the children and never telling them about each other.
What does Christmas mean? A time when anything (even marital reconciliation) is possible.
Is the title a pun? Nope.
Chemistry check? Not good enough to carry this plot.
Christmas Grump/Christmas Enthusiast? Not really a part of this one.
Quaint town? Does Worcester, Massachusetts count as quaint?
Dialogue highlight? “Everything is all messed up, I drew an elf and you brought us an Englishman.”
How white and straight? Very straight and less white than usual. This makes the third Hallmark movie this year with a decent amount of subtitled dialogue.
Pet peeve? Candace, the new employee at the Alvarez family restaurant, is described as a “ball of energy” while I found the actor’s performance to be so sleepy. Her entire plotline was extremely unnecessary.
Hot cocoa? The kids air their grievances with “Santa” over a cup of cocoa while their parents have heart attacks trying to figure out where they ran off to.
Rating? 1 out of 5 magical pens
Final verdict? No thanks.
Holiday Road
This movie is inspired by a true story (seemingly this one) about a group of strangers who decide to rent a van together and drive from Portland to Denver when their flight right before Christmas is cancelled. It’s more of an ensemble cast, but it wouldn’t be a Hallmark Christmas movie without two strangers falling in love over an extremely short time period. At the center of this ragtag group of travelers are Dana (Sara Canning, who will always be Aunt Jenna from The Vampire Diaries to me and who has been in one other Hallmark movie) and Clay (Warren Christie, 3 Hallmark movies). She’s a spontaneous adventure travel writer while he’s a Type A app developer (and a bit of a Christmas Grump), so there is plenty of back and forth about going with the flow versus sticking to the plan.
In addition to our nice Straight White Couple, we have a Grumpy Old Man, a High-Strung Mom and Laid Back Teen Son, a Bickering Couple from Hong Kong (they provide some good dry comedic moments, as she translates for him and often intentionally doesn’t do so with total accuracy), a Mysterious Woman (she just doesn’t want to talk about her business with strangers, and I respect that), and a Zillennial Influencer documenting the entire thing on TikTok.
What does Christmas mean? Maya, the influencer, interviews everyone and asks them what Christmas means to them. In the end, we get her answer: spending time with people you love, even if only a few days ago they were strangers.
Is the title a pun? Eh, not really.
Last minute plans/impending deadline? They all have their own reasons for needing to get to Denver by Christmas.
Chemistry check? Pretty good! The whole group meshes well together.
Quaint town? At one point, their van breaks down in Greenfield (it’s either in Idaho or Utah, I wasn’t keeping close track) and they take time to participate in the local Elf Games.
Dialogue highlight? “You’re in La La Land. And I don’t mean the movie.”
Pet peeve? Ling, the woman from Hong Kong, pulls out a karaoke machine in the back of the van, which seems like a distraction and a driving hazard! At least sit down for your karaoke performance.
Hot cocoa? Sipped from cute mugs at a pit stop, where a couple approaches them and asks for a photo after Maya’s posts have started going viral.
Rating? 4 out of 5 traditional Chinese Christmas Cookies
Final verdict? I think this being inspired by real life helped it avoid being too ridiculously Hallmarky.
Next up: Christmas in Notting Hill and Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up