Two turtle doves
In which I accidentally go on an anti-monarchy rant.
I actually liked these movies! One was definitely better than the other, but both were better than last weekend’s offerings. Maybe Hallmark wanted to lower our expectations first?
One Royal Holiday
The biggest problem this movie has is that Aaron Tveit, who plays James, Crown Prince of Galwick, is bad at accents. He’s doing that vague British accent that everyone who plays royalty from a fake European country in a made-for-tv Christmas movie uses, but he cannot stick to it. Every scene feels like they just told him to do a British accent right before they started rolling. Aaron Tveit (currently the only Tony nominee for Best Actor in a Musical) is a very good singer, and in the brief moments when he sings in this movie the accent is gone. He should have been singing way more!
Similar to Jingle Bell Bride from last week, this is a movie all about how weather delays lead to falling in love. The crown prince and his mother, Queen Gabriella, are stuck at an inn in Connecticut as their flight back to Galwick (I kept thinking they were going to say Galway) gets cancelled for new snow-related reasons each day. There is a fun bit where, by the third or fourth day when everyone wants them to stay, everyone is excitedly fake-sad about black ice warnings.
Laura Osnes plays Anna, a cardiac recovery nurse (she fixes other people’s hearts but ignores her own!) whose father owns the inn and who gives the crown prince and queen a ride after meeting them at the definitely-not-a-Dunkin-Donuts “Donny’s Donuts” just outside of Boston. Laura Osnes was Cinderella on Broadway (Victoria Clark, who plays the queen, was her Fairy Godmother, so its a nice little reunion) and there is a Cinderella reference that makes no sense with the plot or characters but did make me scream in delight. She gets to sing a bit more than Aaron Tveit does, but still not enough! Why was this not a full-blown musical??
Like all royal-related Hallmark movies, this is very monarchist. The amount of times Anna had to look sad and sympathetic while James talked about how hard it is to be a prince was ridiculous. I feel like, in a post-Meghan Markle world, more of these movies should end with these tiny countries disbanding their monarchies so that the prince can run off to America with the beautiful woman he fell in love with. Why was this movie trying so hard to make me feel bad that the Prime Minister of Galwick is trying to reduce the royal family’s role? That sounds like a good idea to me.
Anyway. This movie was generally fun and charming and the two leads are very good! She’s bubbly and he’s grumpy, and that is a pairing that generally works for me. I think I’m just being a bit cranky and I’m ready for the royals trend to be done. After the sequel to The Princess Switch, of course. Three Vanessa Hudgenses!!
FINAL RATING: 4 out of 5 Galwickian Yule Cakes
Is the title a pun? No, it’s just a description, I guess.
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Laura Osnes: 1 Christmas (A Homecoming for the Holidays) and 1 non-seasonal (In the Key of Love)
Aaron Tveit: None! He can come back for more as long as he can use his normal accent.
What does Christmas mean? Christmas is about helping people! Also, this is the time of year to be with the people you love and remember not to take them for granted!
Last minute plans/impending deadline? The crown prince has to give his Christmas address in 5 days AND the town of Kentworthytonshire (actual name ??) has its annual Christmas Eve Pajama Ball.
Real Santa? *Sigh* Still no.
How white? There is a Black best friend, who does at least get her own B-plot romance rather than just revolving around the main character’s romance.
Bingo? No! And it was so close this time!! I considered making the donuts count as pie, but I cannot stoop so low as to cheat at a game of Hallmark Christmas Movie Bingo that I am playing against no one.
On the 12th Date of Christmas
I think I was predisposed to like this movie because it stars Mallory Jansen, who has been in two of my favorite recent tv shows: She was one of the best parts of the best season of Agents of SHIELD (season 4) and both excellent seasons of the sadly short-lived Galavant. But this movie is also the perfect balancing act of a festive-but-not-too-twee concept and a central couple with good chemistry. It was just very fun to watch!
The concept: Jennifer and Aidan work for a Chicago-based company that designs scavenger hunts for other companies, as promotions or team-building exercises. I assume this type of company exists, but it also sounds ridiculous. (Also, how about a movie about people who work as escape room designers? And then they get stuck in the room together…hang on, I need to go write this.) They’re both up for the promotion to head game designer and they get thrown together to pitch a 12 Days of Christmas-themed scavenger hunt app to a local hotel that’s about to reopen.
They’re clearly set up as an odd couple — he works better alone, she works better when she collaborates; he’s a loner, she’s a people person; he’s a proud Chicago native, she’s fresh from a farm in Iowa; he enjoys Christmas a normal amount, she’s decorated her office to look like Santa’s workshop — but they actually try to work together like reasonable people rather than clashing pointlessly to create drama. A large part of the appeal of this movie for me was the experience of how satisfying it is to brainstorm fun ideas with someone. And all of the date activities made me miss doing things out in the world with people.
There were maybe too many subplots for a made-for-tv movie — there’s this whole thing about Aidan’s sister living in their grandfather’s old house, and they have to get it renovated before their dad gets back from the hospital, that felt like it could have been its own Hallmark movie — but it really did help these characters feel like fully fleshed out people. Even the side characters felt like they had lives that didn’t solely revolve around trying to get the central couple together.
One more thing: you have to see this obviously photoshopped family photo. What.
And yes, those are mulling spices over a little heater that she has on her desk at work.
FINAL RATING: 5 out of 5 Grandma Sue’s cookies
Is the title a pun? Yes! They really lean into wordplay for all the elements of the 12 Days of Christmas because it’s what the central scavenger hunt is all about.
How many other Hallmark movies have the two leads been in? Mallory Jansen: This is her first one, and she should absolutely do more.
Tyler Hynes: 1 non-seasonal movie (Flip That Romance), 1 fall movie (Falling for You), 1 winter movie (Winter in Vail), and 2 Christmas movies (The Mistletoe Secret; It’s Christmas, Eve)
What does Christmas mean? “Christmas is a time to reflect on things that matter most.”
Last minute plans/impending deadline? The scavenger hunt needs to be ready for the reopening of the hotel in 5 days!
Real Santa? No.
How white? Most of the supporting characters are not white!
Bingo? Almost!!! The two easiest squares to get, I’ve noticed, are drinking cocoa and kissing. The driving square feels like a cop out, but I’ll take it. If I were making this bingo, I would have squares for “cute niece” and “woman wears slim wool coat and pashmina instead of down coat and knit scarf when it is snowing.”
I would recommend both of these! Hallmark will surely air them at least two more times before Christmas. Enjoy!
Tomorrow is Election Day!! I will likely end up watching Hallmark to calm myself down. I hope you’ve already voted for Biden and if you haven’t voted yet tomorrow is your last chance! Wear a mask to the polls and everywhere else! Because of Trump’s mishandling of this pandemic, a lot of people can’t spend the holidays with their loved ones, which sucks. Voting for Biden won’t fix that this year, but it makes a “normal” Christmas for next year more likely.